crane

how many "first times" have you couraged to take? how many times have you went beyond ur usual just to make things special, or better yet, to make somebody special? have you been a fighter? fighting for what you really want and who you really want? or were you just a plain sacrificial, giving up ur own happiness inorder not to complicate things further, and just be happy that seeing the one you cared much for being happy?

i was once a sacrificial being, and i never couraged to fight for someone i really loved and even not dared much to making that someone feel special since after my failed tragic relationships. somehow, i was weakened by that and took of my courage and my self. i was afraid then that inhibitions took most of me.

but again, afraid as i was, and doubting a lot if id be doing what is right, with a great encouragement from a very dear friend, i started gaining myself and even a lot more.

ive done things im not used to doing just to make somebody special, to show that someone that i still care and still clinging on to my feelings and still hoping for a 2nd chance.

i was pursuing the very person who forcd me and made me decide to end our relationship. i really never wanted it to end, i begged to be given enough time to think things over coz i dont wanna rush things up and i dont wanna regret my decisions if id decide right then and there. but somehow, because of pain, that person became selfish and forced me to decide. i got pissed and irritated, and i ended up ending the relationship.

and true as i expected, i regreted that day i got carried away by irritation and pride.

i have never ever pursued anybody, more so, loosing myself and going beyond my means just to express fully what i fell.

things were just so complicated beyond comprehension among others. things became irriversibly patchable.

i said im not up for any 2nd rounds in relationships, but then it was i, myself now asking for it.

but then again, theres no chances. i came just a little too late.

i know somehow i may have looked stupid, but i never regreted the fact that ive couraged myslef a few more length. i never regreted the things ive done for tying to win back that person.

infact, it just made me know myself a little more and a little further. and i liked it. infact, im so proud with my new self.

as early as now, i know im gonna be a lot better with my next relationship for i  know now how to inch forward to make my partner feel a lot special. for i am now courageous to risk without expectation. for i have less inhibitions now. and also because i now know better what love is…

when would be my next relationship?

only time can tell, i am not rushing things coz’ m still in the process of moving on from the previous. i am letting time take its course, and in time i submit my fate.

whom id be attached next with?

i dont know. still, only time can tell…

i am a new me now…

i am a better me…

a lot better me…

This entry was posted on Monday, April 23rd, 2007 at 9:13 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.