crane

i am at lost….

at lost of what i really want in life. back when i was in my most younger years, have i started dreaming of putting on a white coat with my name stitched in the left chest area with a suffix M.D. on it. yes, becoming a doctor was my very first childhood dream. then, as i gained few more years of my life but still in my first decade of life, i shifted to becoming a lawyer, but t’was just short lived, and i started dreaming of becoming a commercial plane pilot.

pilot? nah! i wouldnt qualify, i no longer have a 20/20 diopter which is a must for a pilot wannabe, plus numbers are not so my friend.

lawyer? uhhum! atty. viel p. jose…. wait? dont you think it sounded a little awkward? since i got more of my senses from growing, i came to dispise but not hate such proffession. to me, "lawyers are liars"! yeah, not all, but most. i need not defend my statement though. but after acquiring my 2nd degree in college, which i just simply took for sheer personal pealsure of learning to speak foreign languages and travelling abroad as part of the curriculum, it never came to my senses that it was indeed a pre-law course, and a very goo9d one at that. A.B.-International Studies that is. there i came to realize the craft of being a lawyer. but at this moments, i was already geared to pursue medskul.

and so, i left my home town to trek my path to acquiring the MD sufix on my name. Future Dr. Viel P. Jose, M.D.! whew! lovely, isnt it? but the road to becoming a doctor isnt that easy. it seemed to corrupt the lifestyle i was so used to live with, relaxed, hapi-go-lucky, grace under pressure, party, fun, adventures, travels, and just laid back. i have turned my back 180 degrees from all this in my 1st academic years. but it haunted me back so badly! still, i went on and never turned back. i never came to know myself as some one who leaves things undone. i always finish what ive started, no matter what. few years back, i came to think about my future. other that becomiong a doctor, a surgeon to be more specific, i also wanted to pursue a degree on the legal side. yes, i wanted to have this on my tombstone: Atty./Dr. viel P. Jose, M.D.! hahahaha! man, am i not so ambitious? slight! hahaha!

sadly, since few months back, ive been troubled of what i really finally wanted to become. my mom has just opened a restaurant back in the province, which is the kind of business i would love to establish if ever im gonna be pulled into the business world like my mother. then, the thought of going back to my previous job also haunted me. twas a job i never thought of having. i thought i wouldnt miss it, but now i am, terribly. i wanted to go back to it, i just dont know how (only my close friends and friends back in my hometown can relate to this! haha!).

now, i am confused of what i really want to be… a surgeon? a doctor-lawyer? a businessman? a tv personality? whew?

i wish to be enlightened the soonest while i still have years to furnish my life as it is gonna be, and before everything comes too late..

i wish…

i only wish now to now what i really want in life…