crane

as i had just an attack of lonliness, i started to recall what have i done in my life so far…

then, one by one, i thought of my experiences, my problems, my life in gerneral and the moments when i was mostly on the hype,or to state it simplier, extatic… happy…

my relationship to my family and friends where the points in my life that ive given much time to ponder. i remebered how indifferent i was to my family, to my younger siblings especially how i used to fight back and talk back with my parents and grand parents, that one time, my grand mother almost had an attack for getting so furious with my being such a hard headed bastard!

the moments where i never enjoyed being with my family on trips or outings coz i always end up cornered with my parents, and they would start lecturing me about things; and i’d tell you here that i always cry and sob everytime i get to talk with my mom. all those times i felt that nobody cared for me. i always think that they dont love me, but they love my younger siblings most, whom are both asthmatic and sickly. i was in my puberty at that time and i needed much attention, guidance and parental assistance. i never found all those from them coz they were preoccupied attending to my health-challenged siblings. i wasnt able to understand that i am luckier than my siblings and that they deserve to be given more attention than i was. and so, i had some sort of rebellion. i spent more time with friends, i never mingled with any of my family members without ending it with a fight with my bro or sis,  and i’ve always talked back to my elders. i became a problem child.

then i have to move out and transfer to the city for my college education.

there i learned that as a graduation gift,my parents bought me a property in one the best subdivisions in the city, filled with all the things that i would need for comfort. i thanked them but it still didnt came up to my senses the value of their gifts.i just thought instead that it is their duty and responsibility as my parents to provide me with whatever i need.

i was mean, i know. infact, very mean…

for the first two months in college. i never went home. but…. but my mom never failed to wake me up every morning, and check me if i am home safe already in the late afternoons through a long distance call.

then one day, i decided to go home for a visit without telling anybody…

as ive reached the entrance of our residence, i was greeted by our store personnels and helpers.

then i saw my mom busy attending the bakery with my grand mama, and her sister. i could still remeber the happy faces my granma and aunt had posted on their faces upon seeing me,but more so, the surprised happy face that my mother has worn. then as i draw nearer to kiss them as respect, i saw my mom’s eyes grew moist and eventually, a tear fell down her cheek!

at that instance,i realized how much my mother has loved me. that she would do anything to provide me with whatever i would need. that she has already done so many things and would still be doing more just to show how much she loves me even at the times that she has to attend to other matters other than me. i realized, most especially, that all the while, i was just beeing self-centered and very selfish!

i couldnt stand the sight of seeing my mother crying, even if it was because of happiness.

i pulled myself and went directly to my room. for a moment, i locked my self while tears were involuntarilly dripping from my lacrimals. i felt so stupid for being such a bad child to my parents. i somehow felt undeserving for my mother’s love. infact i realized that all those times, she has shown that she favored me more than my younger siblings. but i was just blinded by my selfishness…

i was destructed from my thoughts when i heard a knock on my door.

i opened the door and saw my mom standing right there, and she told me that my meal is ready.

in the dinning table, mom sat ryt next to me and started regarding to my studies and my stay in the city and in my house. for the first, i felt for real and in my face how much my mother loves me.

then i took a nap to recuperate from the stress of travel.

i had the most pleasant sleep in my life. with the most comfort ive ever felt in my bed in the company of my soft linens and fluffy pillows. i felt like i was once back in the crib of my moms arms, wrapped with a blanket of her love, and craddled with her motherly care.

as i woke up, i knew that everything will be alright. that my relationship with everybody in my family- my grandma, younger siblings and especially to my parents- will never be the same- that ill be having the best of my family ties.

i was right indeed. i cannot compare my bond to my family now. no one can compare…

to my younger bro, levi and our youngest sis, bashi, i am very sorry for having envied you much in the past. i love you both so much. im always here for both of you not just as your big bro, but a best friend you can always have. i love you…

to grand mama, sorry for having been real nasty before. thank you so much for showing me the best that a grand mother can be to me amidst my hard headedness…

to my parents, momsie n popsie, "thank you" would never be enough for all the love that youve shown and given me. thank you most especially for bringing me into this world. thank you for everything…

to my entire family, thank you for loving me with all of you; for the patience and understanding in my shortcomings and for sharing with me the greatest of joy in life…

thank you all for helping together in molding me for who i am now, for what ive become and for what i am gonna be…

to my CREATOR, thank you so much for the lease of life! for this kind of life that you’ve lend me; for all the trials and problems; for all the people and friends ive met along the way; for my relatives; and most especially, for my family- the best that i have! thank you for giving me a beautiful life!!!