crane

for days before the culmination of the year 2008, i have been worried and uncertain of how ill be celebrating it. this is my first time to be away from my family on such occasion and i ddnt like my experience of my first xmas away fr home.
i was on duty last xmas eve, and i find it so-so sumhow coz i was busy attending to our patients whole night. but on xmas day, after i took off from duty and stayed home and everything sink in; my memories of the past xmas, my gifts, sharing laughs and giggles with my loved ones in the center table over supmtous food preparations, and everything thats fun being with my family all came flooding and just brought me to tears out of loneliness and yearning that i must be home for the new year. but as a medical intern that i am for now, i am deprived of such luxury of going home for the yuletide.
anyhow, xmas passed by swiftly and m over it. twas the new year that ive somehow dreaded to come knowing that am gonna be alone and off-duty, and that means, i woudnt be busy attending patients and that il be having the whole new years eve alone if i wont be able to find a good plan to celebrate  new years eve.
there came ads for a new year countdown in marco polo cebu and shangrila, and an option to volunteer for surgery in ccmc for the new years eve to suture pyro blasting patiens just to deviate my attention fr sulking if ever id reli be alone on the new years eve.
days passed by and the lastr day of 2008 came and still i havent had a clear plan of where and what to do on the coming eve.
fortunately, a doctor who is a good friend who just finished his residency in anesthesiology (Dr. Roy Atillo) bumped into me in the gym and inquired how will i be celebrating my coming eve. and with frustration, i just uttered plainly that i have no idea yet. then he mentioned about crown regency hotel new years xmas countdown party: a buffet dinner, fireworks and an edge coaster ride. my ears started ringing, eyes went aglow and grin started lining my face. sounds perfect.
so came 9:00pm, 3hours away fr the countdown, i startd driving to the hotel, still a bit apprehensive if i am reli doin the ryt thing, or if i am reli in the ryt place for my first new-year-far-from-home party. but then again, im there alredi and this wud be it. no time to change plan.
so i gave in. paid my bill and started queeing for the scenic view elevator that will bring me up to the sky for the buffet. way up, the view was perfect. i elevate in a clear glass elevator with the fuente and everything gaining distance right below my feet. little sparks of pyrs are visible fr above, but thats not just it. the grand pyro show is still few hours away…
i had my pigout at the 37th floor, yet still cautious wd my so-called diet. i just had a plate of self-made ceasar salad, few slices of the sinful lechon and a bowl pf puchero soup. thats my new years eve meal…
after filling my tummy, we started heading up to the 38th floor for the edge caoster ride, but to our surprise, there was a long quee going upstairs and we then found out that its heading to the rooftop for the CRH Grand fireworks display. so we had ourselves queeing in the line and then we heard somebody shouted, “LAST FIFTY HEADS”, and i was counted in as 46. hahahahahahaha! i was alredi impatient and itching to reach the top floor but the quee was still at length. i was imagining how fabulous its gonna be on the 40th floor of the countries talles hotel building. and i was right…
i emerged into the openness of the roof top greeted by the cool breeze of december and the tiny glitter lights of cebu city. it seemed like a gazillion of fireflies resting on the ground, while im on top of a tree sitting on a branch…
i started feeling like a kid in a strange wonderland of tiny lights. it is so mesmerizing to be in my place at that moment. the capitol in the west side, mactan channel and island and the SRP in the east, ayala bldgs, itpark bldgs, water front and parklane hotel in the north so visible and identifiable with their trademark lights and structures, and the flat ocean of lights of the residential side of cebu in the south, labangon to talisay city.
as we waited for the countdown, i kept myself busy mesmerizing myslef with the grandness and spectacularity of the scenery. i tried calling home to talk to my mom and dad and share with them for a while my moments as i await for the countdown, but unfortunetly, the lines are busy, and i assume that their busy preparing too just as when im their too in the previous years helping in the preparations.
the dj was playing hip music as we wait and i cant help but move my body with the bit, then came a mutlitude of fireworks visible from below as the timer is nearing the final minutes of 2008. all of us echoed our awes to the spectacular sights of the fireowrks that we are seeing. then came the dj’s voice and inviting us to join the countdown of the last minute of the year from 60 seconds down. i readied my camera in video mode to capture the first grand fireowrks display of the CRH in the first new year countdown party.
then came the moment and i started counting in as we go 9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1… and we all shouted together in unison HAPPY NEW YEAR in time as the first pyro shoot up in the sky followed by the next and more. the sky was filled with technicolord lights from the pyros. in different shape, and forms and styles. came in the sunflower, ther meteor shower, the hercules, spartacus, teardrops and many other forms of firework designs. all heads tilted up as we witness the pyro show and some of us singing with the right music of the moment “AULD LANGE SYN”
at that very moment i was ecstactic and told myself that i was at the most rightfull place to celebrate my first ever new year far from home. it was amazingly fantabulous. i was just enjoying the view then while dancing to the groovy beat played by the dj and while talking to my family over the fone and telling them where im at and about my new years eve experience. i must admit, i sarted missing home again while talking to my dad, mom, sis, bro, lolo and lola. but i decided not to spoil my moments. i have to be strong cuase theres nothing else i can do about my situation for now.
we stayed a bit longer taking pictures and just having fun in the roofdeck. i psyched myself to just have fun than moment.
the line back at the 38th floor for the edge coaster ride was kinda long, but we have to quee in. not long then, we had our turn. we both climbed up in the caoster, fastened the locks for safety and we started moving. our sits then started tilting forward facing the ground 38 floor below, and i wasnt able to help but scream as we continued tilting 30 degress. it was overwhelmingly strange but exhaliratingly fun. we teased ourselves further as we go on with our ride and pushed the control futher to give us 25 more degrees of tilt. we are literally tilted 55degrees now and facing directly on the vehicles running in the streets below us. and just to have a fullness of the moment, we remained our sits tilted at that as we went thru the ride. then came into view the fuente and our sits automatically went down flat to prepare for the end of the ride.
i just had a blastfull new years eve and a very unique one at that. but that wasnt the end of my celebration yet. we went down and fetched our other friends from a nearby condo and we all headed to vudu bar. unfortunately, the parking was so full and there was an overflow of nicely dressed young people in the outside of the bar and so we decided to check other place. and just perfect, we ended up at loft where the crowd was just right. we grooved and dance to the beat greating people a happy new year and just went throught the night..
i never anticipated my new year celebration to be this extactic. strange, unusual, unique, exhalirating, heart beating, fun, a bit wild, awesome,   FANTABULOUS!!!!
i started this year so perfectly right, and im looking forward to a more fabulous year.
i may not have celebrated xmas and new year with my family back home, but im sure they all understand my situation as a medical intern. nonetheless, i had a blast and i will never forget my 2008-2009 transition…
as they stay, start the day right, and the rest will be alright… and with this ill say, “start the year right, and all year round will be alright”

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
HAVE A PROSPEROUS AND MORE BLESSED 2009!!!
ccccccccchhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“BEING, BUDDING, BECOMING”

(Viel P. Jose – College of Medicine)

Four years have passed since I first set foot in this institution.

Four years have passed since I was still an outsider of this great academe.

And four years have passed since I was still ignorant about the world I am living right now and the life that I’d be living with in the forthcoming future.

With my being, like a blood-red rose in the orchard, I bud into what I am now, in order to become of what I wanted to be. A doctor, a humane doctor with ambitions geared towards the welfare of the sick and the needy…

Our distinguished guests; members of the board of judges; faculty, staff and administrators of this university; fellow Southwestern-ers and fellow medicine students; friends, a pleasant day…

“BEING, BUDDING, BECOMING” –such an appropriately celebrated theme for this years most awaited moment of sheer camaraderie – the SIGLAKAS 2008. A festive moment wherein all the different colleges of South Western University will come as one in the spirit of celebration, unity and sportsmanship.

I was just about four or five years old when I started having an ambition of becoming a medical doctor. I was very young then to realize what I would like to become when I grow up. But I’ve never anticipated that as my childhood ambition, I am now actually taking the path to fulfilling my dreams. Though I still have much to take and more trials to face, I am nonetheless happy that I’ve gone this far, and getting closer to my fulfillment.

Just like most of the students here who have hailed from the provinces, I have also once feared that I might not belong or not be able to get along with the other students; or that I might not make it nor survive my course. I was aloof and kind of timid. But then, I’ve realized I was wrong. My fears have vanished. Because Southwestern University is such a pleasant place to learn; to be molded, to be educated and to be transformed to what we ought to be.

Southwestern University has constantly upgraded their facilities, amenities and their teaching modules in order to be always at par with the other leading universities in the country and abroad. New infrastructures have been put up for a better learning experience.

For one, the Southwestern University college of Medicine has been constantly developing better tools for a better education in order to produce more competent doctors. It is worth mentioning that we are the first and only medical school in the entire Philippines that has a senior clerkship rotation abroad. And proudly, we are the first scholastic batch to avail of such new learning and training experience. We are now currently rotating in one of the most sought after medical institution in Bangkok, Thailand, both by local Thais and foreign clients alike, the Yanhee General Hospital. And in the future, our college has promised to extend further its affiliations with other highly acclaimed training hospitals abroad for a more advance and superb training for our future doctors. We have pioneered in this endeavor, and we have already marked a lead in this race.

There are still a lot to mention about the university’s strategies in producing far better graduates that we ourselves can be much proud off. Strategies that will surely educate and mold us all to be the best that we can be in whatever fields we are in. Be it as a nurse, as an engineer, as a dentist, as a lawyer or as a doctor perhaps. For certain, we are all being molded now to become the best that we can be, and to excel in every endeavor that we will take. For it is not just through academics that Southwestern University is molding us. We are also being molded to become better persons; physically, mentally, spiritually, socially and emotionally stable individuals.

For whatever its worth, it has been my sheer pleasure to have Southwestern University as part of the making of my being. For it is here where I bud, and from then I will become.

In time, I will be leaving the portals of this great institution. Bringing with me the memories of my days here, as well as the learnings and teachings that I’ve acquired as a medical student of this university.

And down to my last breath, I will be forever grateful that I have found my being bud as I yearn to become a competent Obstetrics-Gynecology Oncologist in the future.

I awe all this to my future Alma Mater, “Matias H. Aznar Memorial College of Medicine, Southwestern University.”

it never occured to us that today would be a very significant day for us as medicla students. as scheduled, we went to meet up with our preceptor for our obstetrics clinics but instead, we were informed that we will be going to the hospital to see actual patients and extrat history. confused and tensed as we were coz we werent ready for such because we just expected that we still be discussing how to get proper patient history and the skill to extrapulate the necessary data that we would need. and so, left with not much choice, we moved our silly lame dont-know-what-to-do asses to hte hopsital. then the moment came. each one of us were assigned one patient. toink! another challenge1 well be on our heels and got no mate to confer nor ask support. whew!

then i was assigned to a primagravida who was already about to deliver with an openning of 8cm (10cm is the indication for delivery). my preceptor then told me to be fast and be patient at the same time with my patient, that i should only interview in between every contraction. aint it enough of a challenge for me just yet to be caught unprepared and alone at my patient’s bedside? whew! i was literally running big beads of sweat in my face and its driipin in my spectacles. suddenly, the senior clerk attending my patient called up tha my patient is ready to deliver, and all the staff went in catious and wheeled in my patient to the DR (delivery room). then the doctor shouted at me to grab and change into my scrub suit and follow to the DR. oh man! their really not considering of putting m on more challenges,huh! out in an open interns room with all the doctors, nurses and student nurses there i, for all their glory to see me changing my suit and me unmindfull of what they might probably see coz i was so confused of what i should suppose to be the moment id be inside the DR. then the next thing i realized was that im olready in the DR and my patient was already on the lithotomy position with her baby’s crown alreadi slightly visible bewtween her labia majora, she them kept on pushing as she was asked to, and i realized that everytime she pushes, i was also pushing unconsciously hopefull that my push would help her push. there i realized that our mothers were really in such a hard painful moment right before she brought us out into this world to experience life. and to add more, since she was a primie, her birth canal is aint that open yet and so an episiotomy was done and i winced at every cut made on her below as if i was than being cut with out an anesthesia. the good thing is, a woman on labor w=could no longer feel much pain with the episiotomy since it is superseded already by the mechanisn that would somehow make here merineal body numb from the procedure while she’s contracting.

few more minutes than, a cute baby boys head popped out from his mothers vagina and the intern assisted him twisting him downwards and pulled him out. nurses then attended to his umbilical cord while others were suctioning his nostrils and mouth for any thing that have clogged for him to grasp his first breath. the baby then uttered its very first language- his cry. it is true indeed that a neonates/infants language is his cry for he still is not capable of uttering words that we adults speak.

and then there goes my very first experience in the delivery room. my very first experience to see an actual delivery of a new life. it was kinda overwhelming that i witnessed all those unprepared and unexpected.

i thought it was all done then, i was just savoring the thought of what i just witnessed when out of the blue, my preceptor called me up and gave me another patient.

argh! i was in my adrenaline surge again!

i trembeled and confused again of wht to do.

i remembered, i wasnt able to finish my history with my first patient yet, coz she already came to deliver her baby before i could even go half way with my interview. then i tried to calm myself, did my best to extract all data that i needed to gather and did and performed maneuvers for the physical exam that i never have performed before nor even read about it in the book. gladly, my preceptor dr amanudin was so patient and supprtive to me and to my groupmates. she unhesitantly guided us and to=aught us the skills that we needed. though i cannot say we, or i at least for that matter, that i have already mastered what she has just taught me. but mind you, it was such of a help, and that somehow i know it was printed deep in my cortex and i can assure that everytime id perform such, id always be reminded of the person who taught me to do so, trusting me that i can do it, and believing in my naive capacities as a junior clerck that i am that ill be able to learn her teachings. and so i am, and i did, and i will ever be.

so i thought i was done with my patient.. all of the sudden, my patient with just 3cm cervical dilatation, stood up from her bed put back on her panties and walked out coz shes hungry and wanted to eat. i thought i was over and done already and that ill just be waiting for my groupies. and then another bell. the patient that my other groupmate was interviewing contracted and we were all called up. then, another spike, dr amanudin asked me out of the blue if i got gloves with me. she asked to grab one and so i did, not knowing what to do with it. i was then asked to put in one gloves and so i did. then she told me: "perform IE!"

IE whaaat? i know its internal exam but for chisake! i dont know how to do it just yet! then again she guided me through it and i was literally doing it for real! mhan! i was so much of too much this am! i just learned and did so many first-times this morning!

yeah! all of it happened with in two hours just this morning 06-29-07 at cebu city medical center!

i had a blast, and went back to school so overwhelmed not mindfull that my uniforms were already so crumpled after stashing it right to my backpack when i was called in to th DR!

who cares? i just had the prime of my junior clerckship at the OBward! i know that was jsut a start, but i was and i am loving it!

im looking forward to more real linical encouter and experience with the profession i opted to finish! someday, im gonna be a real fullpledge doctor, and by that day i can only attribute it to what i have just experienced this morning and to all the upcoming experieces along the way as i pave my way to becoming a physician! we all need to pass thru this, even though were the list in the medical staff for now, we wont remain to this and in time, we will be the ones on the topline. on the topline in rendering service to uplift, retain, maintain and sustain the health of our brothers and sisters….\

in His time…

i entrust to Him my practice…

in His time…

Camiguin:

"the island born of fire"

"the island of your imagination"

"gamay nga isla sa habagatan (little island of the northern seas)"

i personally call it a "one-stop-shop".

why? camiguin is everything u could ever wish for a great laidback vacation! a small island of just a 64km circumferential road but dont take its size seriously, for wat it could offer is much or grander that you could would ever expct. onestopshop: wherelse have you known for such any place to ave everything? hospitable people, delicious foods, tropical climate, torquise/emerald waters, white island, white sand bar, hot springs, cold springs, water falls, and belive it or not, a soda water spring. indeed, its one of the latest attractions in the island, soda spring is natural that u could even see at bubble in a glass as it gives off its oxide component, and its only wen u drink it that youd be able to prove that it is indeed a soda water. but to top it all, a vacation to camiguin is quite cheap that its counterparts as sch as boracay and palawan. to add more, camiguin is still unspoiled by tourists and upscale urbanization, you could still feel a real provincial ambiance, with birds chirpin at the tree shades, cool air, courteous warm hospitable people, but mind you, its not too provincial down to the core since it offers modern amenities such as internet, cable tv, and round the island coverage for globe and smart, and partly for other networks like tm, suncellular and the likes.
visit camiguin- explore its majesty and wonder; experience it for yourself and be inlove with the very place i call my home and my final resting place…

how many "first times" have you couraged to take? how many times have you went beyond ur usual just to make things special, or better yet, to make somebody special? have you been a fighter? fighting for what you really want and who you really want? or were you just a plain sacrificial, giving up ur own happiness inorder not to complicate things further, and just be happy that seeing the one you cared much for being happy?

i was once a sacrificial being, and i never couraged to fight for someone i really loved and even not dared much to making that someone feel special since after my failed tragic relationships. somehow, i was weakened by that and took of my courage and my self. i was afraid then that inhibitions took most of me.

but again, afraid as i was, and doubting a lot if id be doing what is right, with a great encouragement from a very dear friend, i started gaining myself and even a lot more.

ive done things im not used to doing just to make somebody special, to show that someone that i still care and still clinging on to my feelings and still hoping for a 2nd chance.

i was pursuing the very person who forcd me and made me decide to end our relationship. i really never wanted it to end, i begged to be given enough time to think things over coz i dont wanna rush things up and i dont wanna regret my decisions if id decide right then and there. but somehow, because of pain, that person became selfish and forced me to decide. i got pissed and irritated, and i ended up ending the relationship.

and true as i expected, i regreted that day i got carried away by irritation and pride.

i have never ever pursued anybody, more so, loosing myself and going beyond my means just to express fully what i fell.

things were just so complicated beyond comprehension among others. things became irriversibly patchable.

i said im not up for any 2nd rounds in relationships, but then it was i, myself now asking for it.

but then again, theres no chances. i came just a little too late.

i know somehow i may have looked stupid, but i never regreted the fact that ive couraged myslef a few more length. i never regreted the things ive done for tying to win back that person.

infact, it just made me know myself a little more and a little further. and i liked it. infact, im so proud with my new self.

as early as now, i know im gonna be a lot better with my next relationship for i  know now how to inch forward to make my partner feel a lot special. for i am now courageous to risk without expectation. for i have less inhibitions now. and also because i now know better what love is…

when would be my next relationship?

only time can tell, i am not rushing things coz’ m still in the process of moving on from the previous. i am letting time take its course, and in time i submit my fate.

whom id be attached next with?

i dont know. still, only time can tell…

i am a new me now…

i am a better me…

a lot better me…

"i have lots of friends anyway" -such a bad line i was so used to. my usual and best defense mechanism.

ive never dumped friends for i value them. but if id be in a situation that is uncompromising to the point of having the friendship in peril, and if i know i did not initiate it, nor have the greater point at fault, you could never expect me to initiate patching things up, i only wait for the other party concerened to initiate, and i can easily let go and patch up.

all my life, ive had these kind of rough roads. so uncompromising and so lonely. but then again, everything as its end, as they say. could this be the natural process of death for the so called friendship? could be, but could not be.

we choose the fate of our friendship towards others. indeed, there are people whom have been our friend at a point of time, that we could just easily give up in times that we ould need to let go of them.

but the difficult side is that, when the person is, as you personally know it, is the most difficult to let go, and loosing as a friend.

ive shown my best defense line, and gesture tht i am not, nor will be affected if id loose this person, but nobody knows, that deep inside, i yearn badly, as ive waited long for that peron to talk to me to patch thing back to where it was left- to reativate the almost dying friendship.

it just happened to me. a very dear friend, almost gave up on me.

i have this somehow complex personality of a hapi-go-lucky, but strong in the outside, but weak on the inside, and at a deeper sense comes out the natural immaturity as i somehow try to supress getting old inside out and clinging on to my childhood no matter what, that it also affects or involves my other side of being.

hey! i dont have an alter go! no way!\

its just me, simply loving my immature side, sometimes.

i can act as if i really am not affected, but then again, it softens me to see the simple remders of our friendship: fotos of us with our new found friends during our travels, little items given to each other, presents from the past- or just anything that would remind me of what we used to have.

indeed i miss this friend badly. but somehow i was also at fault. at fault for a very sensitive fragile reason that i have never told to anybody, not even to my best friend. i reason that could eithr make me or break me into pieces. a reason, that is, to note, is the only secret ive kept for myself!

a reason, i know, will never be understood by anybody, not even by the person concerned or involved!

i have to have a defense mechanism for this, but sadly, my D-line was the sole reason of almost loosing this friend.

i got a soaring pride too! and it is just because of my being defensive, i know. but i cant help it. agh! crap! i a just but human! ive tried swallowing my pride, but some instances just makes me regurgitate it back out!

this afternoon, was such a dramatic moment!

seeral exchange of textmessages that has almost lead to a sure conclusion of bid and farewell.

then, silence….

it was all over i guess!

i prepped and conditioned myself, that, i just lost a dear friend i never wished to loose! i felt like a looser, indeed i was!

but then, i hanged on to another D-line that as always, nobody could have all the best in the world. and further thought that maybe, this has a purpose.

time kept rolling and rolling, and i was glad that i got hooked to something that deviated my attention less emotionally draining. i was in a light conversation with my co-proprietors, and was just leisurely talking about anything.

sadly, as i drove back home in silence, it ll came back to m, that i just inded hve lost a very dear friend. and my fone went off a disturbing message alarm and i lazily picked it up, twas my old friend- and there was a change of tone in the message. it was soft, infact so much softer than i expected.

my lacrimal glands got activated as i strongly fought for my lacrimal duct to be filled and overflow. good thing i suceeded, but it was close, so close. i cannot afford to have a hyperactivted lacrimals coz i was just about to go home to pick up my things and then ead on to a coffeeshop to study! i dont wanna look like a mess with a puffy eyebags then!

further on, we chatted over the fone and everything. but then there has no final conclusion yet settled.

could this be a new chance for the matted friendship? or could this be the final-final end of it?

this, i still am about to find out. maybe in a day or two. but i wish, could only wish, that it could be sooner, infact the soonest possible that i can.

but fr now, i can just only wait.

till tomorrow, or maybe till after my vacation!

who knows?

only time do know!!!

indeed you cant dictate people nor change them to be a better person, nor i can be dictated nor be changed by others. our personality is innate, and only us can change ourselves if we really want to. but a fact that is, we are who we are. and as we grow old, it is more difficult to change, even for the better!

i know i have my temper and a nasty character, that is if triggered by others. i never realized how nasty i can be until last month when a person triggered the beast in me. i was real nasty then and i never liked it. i became so furious and been fuming for a time that thinking about what that person has done could snap all my enthusiasm and made me sulk alone. as nasty as i lost track of what i was doing and i ended up leaving my other friends without bidding goodbye. i was so destructed and disturbed of how some people, whom i personally considered as tamed, intelligent, educated and coming from a family of good breeding could be such an ass at times. i mean, why in the world could these people, if be at fault, would tell others the opposite of the story instead of ccepting their faults and apologize? why would others count the favors uv asked from them and even the favors u didnt peronally asked infact u just meddled and slap it write in your face? are these the kind of persons whom we can call friends?

if i am to say but not to brag, i have helped and extended favors t my friends noting that i have so much friends than this particular person who just made "kwenta" on me. whew! people-sometimes, they ra out from their sanity and level f intellect and would just bark without thinking.

arrogance- i suoppose that is the best adjective that i can think of.

but then, me as i am. as simple apology could easily ease me down. even a defensive apology- an apology that was asked but still blaming me for what has transpired even if it was at their expense- is sufficient enough for me to forgive and forget. i may have forgiven this person, yet with all honesty, it took me a while to forget because i was traumatized when this person made "kwenta" on me. but then i came to realize the worth of friendship. little by little, in my own little way, i tried to forget that one disturbing event, and i have let go and accpted the person back as a real good friend. but then fate can sumtimes be playfull too! other people became involved! people who was once dear to you but seemed to have lost th value of ur friendship that was already tested by time. people, who, in such a way, didnt bother to listen to ur side and just ended up listenning to what others has shared.

i felt bad, and i think i have the right to feel bad with this scenario! i am havng trouble comprehending wether am i developing an attitude problem after that one mind-tormenting event when a good friend made "kwenta" on me or was it just simply fate playing hard on me?

till now, this so called friend has never talked to me. sadly, i could never initiate a resolution if i am the one being thrown on the pit. but i could do otherwise if i am the one at fault.

the value of friendship- in this context was somehow lost and discarded!

i personally dont know where this would lead me too. but perhaps, i, as i simply am, a simple gesture of humility or even just care to resolve this matter from the others concerned would help me brig back and patch up the old friendship that i have with them…

only time can tell…

till then…

i cant say more aside from being so happy right now. and who wouldnt? my best buddy finally talked to me and apologized, and now were friends again! sounds such a petty matter, right? well, my point is, for friendship to work well and good, all must work for it and protect the friendship. one must learn to accept and recognized his fault whenever one is at fault. never expect that ur friends would be more than willing to accept and forgive you everytime u commit mistakes. we are just but humans, we do run out of patience if situation calls for it. never abuse the goodness of your friends if you dont wanna wake up one day with all your friends gone. and to the other party, be willing to forgive and forget and move on and continue being friends. but dont take me literally, everything is relative and situational. but if in any instance that friendship could still be saved, please do. it is easy to know and befriend people but its difficult to find real ones, more so a bestfriend.

whew! much have been said, well infact, all i wanna say now is that i am soooo happy i got my best buddy back.

kot, welcum back! wahihihi!

people just come and go in our lives. we meet people, took to them, share a cup of cofi, or a good meal at some restaurants and even spend weekends out of town or even just for few bottles of malt over the weekends. not long then you woud realize that you have created a circle with this people and becomes your barkada. u can even have the so-called buddy in your circle whom you can fully open up, tok about your problems, be most comfortable with, and vice versa. but then, and so i check back my favorite line: "change is the only constant in this world…" so true indeed! people do change… we cant have all the best in life. those people who just passes bye would be gone forever, while some may come back nd just pass again, while some stay for a while, for a longer while. but mostly, they come and just go, no matter what the length of time theyve stayed in your life. in some instances, u would even loose your so-called best buddy of even ur bestfriends.

some things are just sipmly inevitable and so way out o our control that they slip right in our palms, and the next thing we know is that its gone for good even if we never wanted to loose it.

many factors contributes to such sad situations, but mostly, pride is the main culprit. if we only know how to recognize our mistakes and take responsibility over it and take actions in our initiative to resolve it, then maybe, just maybe, life could be  little lighter and better. but our common tendencies is we find it dificult to say the simple word "SORRY"! as simple as that 5-letter word but it means more than 5m tons of effect. just utter that simple word and mostly, everything would be forgotten, life goes on, and retain the ggod friendship.

but of course, we ll think differently. we usually think first of ourselves… our pride! indeed it is best to keep our pride so people wont just simply step on our faces. but have you heard of the line: "everything in moderation is perfect, but everything in deficit or in excess is dangerous", or "too much of something is bad enough"? well, its pretty true, practicaly and politically right. yet, we tend to confide to the reasoning of " im just human, vulnerable to making mistakes"! if we retain such thinking and reasoning, then we’re doomed! we will never progress as a person.

i once had a friend, a very close friend who knew pretty much all about me, from my skin to my marrow, from my split-ends, to my in-grown (toe nails); who knew most of my problems, my worries and my heartaches; whom i considered my treasure box of secrets. weve been to so many sharp curves, bumpy roads and everything but the friendship persisted and kept. but not log then, we came to the end of the road. i never thought that the bumpy rides and sharp curves were over for good, but istead, it was the friendship that went over for good. sad as it my seem, but this is just part of the imperfections in our experiences that defines the perfection of the human life. again, we cant have all the best in life. we need these unpleasant turn of events to nurture our being as we continue with our journey through life.

i was saddened, i wanted to keep back the friendship. but what can one do if one is on a one-way ticket ride? we all now it takes two to tango, but now i can just let the music play, but i cant dance no  more.

and then, the music came to an end, and so with the friendship….

the saddest thing was that, the tension wasnt just contained between us, but it also affected the rest of the circle. a chain was cut and it shattered the bond. th circle seems disperesed, and even if the rst of us tried to glue the pieces back together, the mark was there and can no longer be brought back to its original piece.

to my friend, i sincerely thank you for listening to me and spending time with me and the circle thru the hapi and not-so-hapi moments. thank you stayig in my life for a long while. thank you for everything. we now have taken our separate paths, meet new friends and live life the normal way. hope this time, life would be a little better, for it’l never be best…..

so long…                                                                                                        

lookin back on summer ‘05 brought me into the fastlane memories. twas the best summer i ever had so far in my entire life. ive been to many different places, ive meet new friends, have travelled with the best travel buddy ive had so far, created lots of wonderful memories, taken so many pictures, had the best tann ever without getting a nasty sunburn- to sum it up. my best of the best summer i had.

but things to change and indeed, change is the only constant in this world. some friends do come and go leaving only their footprints in your personal memory street. memories are the only thing you can keep from friends who have gone to their own road. but no matter what, i was so glad to have met all of them and shared so much fun with them for the specific time being. well, who knows, all our roads my once again cross in a diofferent time and place and bring back the old times- reminisce!

all haved moved on, and so i must. and so i continue to live. met new friends along the way, and gained more acquaintances. being a friendly creature as i am, i never had difficulties gaining new friends. friends in the gym, school, courts, and in some travels.

and so, the recent summer has just ended. my summer’06 was also a blast, but i cannot compare it with the previous year or so, i must say i refuse to comapre it. i myt just end in vain…

once again, as a personal practice, i have travelled to some places. but the greatest difference this summer had from my previous was that, i travelled most with my family, meeting new relatives and visiting some relatives.

but my summer would never be complete without dropping by boracay, my personal summer paradise. in such an instantaneous decision, i booked myself for a 6day solo boracay escapde the day right before my departure. yes, i was alone. once again, the lone traveller side of me has kicked in. after getting hold of my tickets and my travel voucher for my favorite hotel resort in boracay, i went home to pack my essentials for the next day’s trip back to paradise. i cant just but help but reminisce of my previous summer in bora. how can i not? i have this 24R sized picture framed and hanged on my wall with my travel mate and other new found friends with wide grins on our faces posing for a foto while holding varieties of cocktails in our hands? whew! then i started to hesitate going on with my trip, for the reason that i myt just get bored there for 6days and for the thought that i myt just kip on threading to places ive been with and had the most fun with mu travel mate from the previous year. but then, as i said, i too must move on. and so i was done packing but i cant take my mind still from the memories of the past year’s bora escapade. and so i hurriedly dressed up and headed to meet friends to unwind and shake off from reminiscing.

terminal five seemed so vacant and dull. there were only few travellers yet. and so i lit a dunhill menthol light and started reading my robin cook’s THE VECTOR. not long then, travellers came flooding in and we were boarded on the fleet that took us to caticlan. everybody in the plane were either with their families or with group of friends, and i was the only one travelling alone on board. however, i had some groups from the travel agancy that i had, and i managed to converse with them when we were coastered to the port. and they were all 1st timers, and it seemed that im the only frequent bora goer in the group. so they started inquiring to me and thats how i befreinded the mother and son dou who just came back from the states after 19yrs.

the weather was somehow fair, but not sunny as i expected it to be. the boat ride was quite. and my room was so huge for just myself. i unpacked my things and hurriedly went to the beach to grab sum cocktails. the hotel i was with was one of the hotels i was with from the previous year with my travel mate.

"sex on the beach"- my favorite afternoon cocktail in bora was just what i needed that time, so i ordered a couple of servings and i finished the whole afternoon with the cocktail, my book, and sticks of dunhill. and so i called it a night, headed back to the hotel, ran a cold shower and watched tv.

getting bored, i decided to take a walk along the beach adn head to the ultimate party place in bora- the club paraw. but on my way, i bumped into the dou i was with from the plane, and there i had a company. the night went on lightly but fun.

the following day, my new buddy and i booked ourselves for an island hop while his mom planned to go shopping the whole day. the island hop wa perfect as ever. silent flat sea, great and awesome sun, prestine cool emerald waters, and the lunch was such a meal! there i met another lone traveller fr manila, she wasnt feeling good that time and it obviously reflected on here pale lips and dizzy eyes. i started talking to her until back in the boat. i introduced her to my other buddy, and so our dou became a trio. for the rest of the day, the three of us became inseparables while on the trip. then we dicied to hangout again for a beach party later that night.

i met up first with the lady friend and had dinner together since we both dont have company while the other dude had dinner with his mom. but not long then, we all gathered at the hey jude bar, and there the trio further became a quartet when another american lone traveller dude got into our group while the three of us were watching an NBA match right at the bar. the night went on with so much fun at club paraw with our red horses and pitchers of the amazing |BLUES CLUES coccktail- a very potent concuction of 7alcoholoic beverages. the lady, being not a drinker stood up unintoxicated while i and the rest of the guys lost ourselves to the alcohols and been walking wubbly back to our places, but before reaching our crossroads to our separate hotels, we still managed to hang out back at hey jude bamboo lounges. there we finally lost touched with our concious minds and we all doze of right there. but the lady so up and right, was busy taking pictures of our ugly drunken sleepoing faces. good thing she was able to awaken us after having rested for a while at the bamboo lounges and so we all headed to our separate resorts.

the following day the two other guys has to leave the paradise, and so we decided to have lunch together before their departure times. memories built and was ended too soopn, but never the less, twas worth the fun. and the quartet was so short lived and it became a dou once again- me and the lady. i spent the rest of my stay with the lady and we had a blast. we share same adventures, views in life and  kinds of thrill that we go for. we shopped together, we dine together, we went back island hopping together, beach partied together, shopped more, ate more, taken more pictures and partied together. so much fun fun fun under the sun.

further more, i realized that i am indeed an island boy, island boy as i am since i hailed from another paradise- the CAMIGUIN ISLAND. to add more adjectives, i am a SEA-SAND-SUN GUY! yeah i am dark skinned but ive never been afraid of the sun, infact i love getting a better tann during the summers of course with the aid of moisturizing lotion, sunblock and tanning oil to carefully regulate the sun to give me a nice summer tone- the golden brown tann that only beachlovers could appreciate. whoa!

i have ended my 6day bora summer escapade but i still manage to communicate with my new found friends from time to time but much more with the lady friend i met in bora since were the only once left here in the country.

i never expected it to be this fun though..

take it from me, never hold back. move on as soon as u can. only then can u realize that u can be happy once again, because holding on or holding back would just keep u rooted in the past and thus u will fail to appreciate that fun right under ur nose at the current time.

just like in any relationships, it hurts bad to loose the one u cared most. but it is most hurting to see them having moved on too soon and with ease while u r still lamenting from ur broken relationship. would u be happy this way by holding on? i suppose not. kick ur ass up and have our feet back on the ground, hold ur head up, smile and move on. learn from ur mistakes and failures but never hold back nor be afraid to love again.

u fail, get upo and love more.

only then can life be more beautiful and worth living……